Agh. Like I said, I just got home. After catching up on some sleep, I went over to Newbie's. When I got there we watched the end of The Fast and the Furious. Then we watched 2 other movies. I had a lot of fun doing *nothing* with him. I guess it wasn't really nothing. I guess everything I do with him is 'something'. Whatever, though.
He really confuses me. I know he's kind of told me how he feels and I know that he's kind of been "expressing" it, but sometimes he says things and the only thought that I can think is "Ouch". But I just kind of want to forget it everytime he says something, so I usually just leave or whatever. And I don't know if it should make me happy or sad or what that he doesn't even realize that he's saying the things. But then, all is forgotten when he says something nice or looks me in the eyes or whatever.
What is happening to me damnit? Why do I like him so much? And why can't I figure it all out?
So, why do I let the things bother me? And if I am so happy with my friends and Newbie and whatnot, then why do I still get the same feeling that I really would like to go home and go to bed and never wake up? Why do I still get quiet and think bad thoughts? DAMNiT. When is it going to change?
Nonetheless...I am crazy about him and I only wish that I knew where each day was going to take me. I liked lying on the couch with him, or on the floor, or just being in the same room with him.
KatieBug8386 (12:29:00 AM): :o( what happened with N?
r8ch88 (12:30:53 AM): i don't know.
r8ch88 (12:30:59 AM): i am getting that feeling again you know?
KatieBug8386 (12:31:26 AM): what feeling? the one like with Rob?
r8ch88 (12:31:38 AM): nope, the feeling that i had towards the end of the school year.
Best way to explain it all. It doesn't mean much of anything, but I think Katie should understand because she knew what I was like just 2 months ago. I wish I knew why it happens. I wish I knew how to stop it from happening.
Enough.
I like him a lot and thats all I can say.
Okay, so I was going to put this survery that Holls sent me on here, but instead I decided to just say something. It sucks a lot when you think you are close to someone and I guess you're not. I don't want to make people read this and then feel sorry for saying what they said and then take it back because it would obviously not be how they felt. But reading the survery still hurt my feelings. OH. And this way the only thing I wanted to put on here...its the same answer Holly had and I agree. And I think thats why I feel like this. I don't know.
"WORST FEELING: knowing that you like/love someone you are sitting right next to, and they dont want anything to do with you..."
Maybe that's the truth.