So far, this weekend has turned out to be not so bad. Even though I do miss my friends!! I feel like I am stuck in FamilyLand!! Not very close to the Brady Bunch or anything, but still. I am being suffocated in my own house.
I am glad that this time around, I haven't been a complete BITCH to "Big Mike" (damnit! look! now everyone else has gotten me into calling him that!). Rochelle came down this time. She's um...okay. I don't mind spending time with her or anything. It's just...she HAS to loosen up! I haven't seen her laugh yet! On Friday night I took her to Rivergate and last night, after the dance from hell, we just sat around with my mom and Mike and talked.
Like I said, I miss my friends!! Where are they? Hm...it SURE WOULD BE NICE IF SOMEONE CALLED ME TO HANG OUT TONIGHT!! Not that I am sending any hidden messages or anything. I need exposure to people that know me and that I can laugh with. So far, my biggest laugh this weekend was with Mrs. Marks when Robert came up and showed us that he had split his pants right up the ass and he had to ask if he could go home & change.
I know that there is a part of me that can't ever ever ever me happy. It's like, the part of me that has things like my parents, Mike, Ben, friends that I seem to be either losing or thinking their something their not, the word dyke, and other complicated issues. And then there's the happy part of me. The part that has things like the feeling I get when I realize that there is chance for an awesome friendship, when I see my mom & Mike HAPPY together, Disney World (I threw that in because I think I am going yet again this summer!), being goofy with my friends, getting my braces off, and a lot more. Luckily, there is probably more happy than sad. Damn, I remember when there was more sad than happy. Several times. Like, the whole summer before Freshman year and all the entries under the title "FreeCelery".
The fact that I have lived 8 years where it seems like I keep getting screwed over & shit on, I think it's pretty good that I only *hate* 3 1/2 people (one of the people only deserves a half mark because I am still contimplating my hatred for her...or him! Or him. HA! Now you don't know who I'm talking about. Riiight.).
Well, I am pretty sure that I'm over my fear of not being able to completely express myself on this thing with the knowledge that people read it. I guess because there is a way to "talk in code" so that you're the only one who understands! Watch. I will do it now.
TO SOMEONE:
You're a truly awesome friend and person. I am happy that I am getting the chance to know you all over again. (Ha, see right now she's the only one that knows what I'm talking about! Well, and me. See how well this works??) I am sorry about stupid things from before.
Well, that was a pretty pointless thing to write because I've already said it, but I was just proving a point. I wish I had like, a counter so I would know who all read any of this. Just "for the record".
Well, my mom is back to being bitchy, so I am off to make plans for the day!! (PLEASE SOMEONE CALL ME!!)