unfair.
[ 2003-02-19 - 7:01 p.m.]

So, Newbie calls to come over. I ate dinner, called him back and told him to come over. He comes over. I am sitting on the couch doing my geometry. He's like "Close your eyes." So, I did, but then I opened them. He freaks out and gets so pissed because I opened my eyes. He storms out (in front of my parents no less), so I go out and follow him because I didn't think he was being serious. He gets and his car and drives off because I opened my eyes.

Now, maybe if he'd had a flower behind his back, he could get a little frustrated. Maybe. You know what he wanted to show me?

The headband he's going to wear in the stupid "Great Race".

He got mad because I opened my eyes.

'If you'd only do what I tell you to.' - Michael Sanders.

I apparently am supposed to be whipped.

*AHHH*. I'm so sick of all of that crap. I don't know what to do. Its like, if I call him and apologize for something I don't see as wrong, I screw myself over. However, what if I don't call? I don't deserve to be treated like this.

"I'd never lie to you ,

unless I had to.

I'll do what I got to.

The truth is you could slit my throat

and with my one last gasping breath,

I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt."

This is so frustrating. I don't think anyone understands. How can he treat me like that? I fucking treat him like he's a GOD. But hell, I slip up and I'm a bitch!! I mean, if I'd been asked to call him to tell him if I had to work & I didn't, he'd snap at me. But he does it and it's fine. Okay, and what about tonight!? If I'd done that and he would have SCREAMED at me. What could I do, though? Try to chase after him. Thats about as far as I'm going.

Its so unfair. And I see it. So why don't I do anything about it? Because I love him. But I can't keep it up. I can't keep giving and getting nothing in return.

This is so unfair.

I'm going to go driving. I wish I had the courage to just drive straight into that tree.

(p.s. Can you guys please sign my guestbook and answer the following 2 questions?: .x. If you had to choose a song/song lyrics to describe yourself, what would they be? .x. What about if you had to do the same for me?)

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