I'm in a weird "funk". I hate my mom. Hatred may be a strong word, but it applies. She wrote a Newbie that basically told him she hated him and that he was the source and cause of all of our problems. Why did she have to do that?? Honestly. I hate her. Everytime something is going right in my life, she has to try and take it away.

For once in my life, I don't know if I should approach her, or if I should just keep not talking and eating. I'm enjoying the anti-talking anti-eating thing. Its all doing homework and seeing my boyfriend for a couple of minutes. Its kind of relaxing, actually. I love not having a job. But I hate my mom. Seriously. How could she DO that? It all my fault. I'm such a bad kid. Even though all of my teachers tell me and her that I'm one of the most mature kids they've ever had. Even though I've made all A's this year. Even though I don't drink or smoke or do drugs. Even though I don't party. Even though I don't do anything risky. Even though everything else I've ever done has been what most parents would want in their kid. Even though I'm not asking for a new car. Even though I'm me. In her eyes, nothing I can do is right.

She thinks Newbie is too old. She is searching for reasons to make my life hell. She didn't mind Joanna being older than me and she was a fucking *GiRL*. Goddamn it!!!

What have ever done wrong other than handing Newbie the keys to my car? I hate her so much. I wouldn't mind going out to Kansas. I wouldn't. Living there. This is an exact repeat of me this time 2 years ago. Only, when I got to Kansas, I found I wasn't welcome there, either.

I hate this. I hate everything about it. I hate that no matter what, I'll never be "good enough". Whatever that is.

I hate that today when Mr. Dager told us to get into groups, I was all alone. I can't wait to leave. More than anything, I wish I could go back to the Triple Treat time. I don't think either one of them realizes that that was the very best time of my life. I have never ever been so damn happy. I was on top of the world. And then, I foudn out they were both better than I was. I miss them.

I can't believe that in nine months, I'll be forgotten. They don't remember me when I'm right in front of their faces. Why would they remember me when I'm 300 miles away?

I made Shelby promise to invite me to the class reunions when we "grow up". I would like to go back and see them again.

I hope they all have shitty lives.

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