I swear I am going crazy. I can't take all of this crap. I don't know what to do!! Last night, I went to Nikki's with Joanna...which we tend to do a lot. Then we were just standing outside with Nikki and her neighbor and Joanna's mom pulled up. Well, that alone scared the shit out of me because I'm not even supposed to be with Jo. Her mom like, gets up in my face and then Joanna told her mom to leave and her mom grabbed her arm and starting pulling her towards the car and was like "no you're coming home with us." (Ray was there too) So Joanna said "No I'm not, I'm 18, get away..." and we started walking into the house and she started to shut the door, but Ray and her mom shoved their way in. Then there was this crazy fight that involved me, Joanna, and Nikki. So, in the end ((I'm not going to go into details because it would probably be better if I didn't)) Joanna wound up not living at home. So they left and threatened to go talk to mom...which didn't matter to me because my mom already knows that they're both CrAzY.

After they left, I thought things would be okay because we were all just kind of sitting around laughing about it. But then Joanna said something that kind of made me want to leave, so she took me home. ((OH!! by the way, on top of all of this, Joanna's car in is the shop so she has no way of getting around...)) On the way home, it all started up again. The whole "I need to get everything straight...I need time..." thing. I need her damnit!!! I know she is going through some crazy shit that no one deserves to go throgh, but I'm going through crazy shit, too and I need her. So when is it MY turn to get what I want?? She got what she wanted last time she asked for space.

She is growing up and along with that, it feels like we're growing apart. She went to a party the other night & drank and she's going to some club tonight. You know, she treats me like I'm not even her girlfriend. I'm so sure that if a guy told his girlfriend that he was going clbbing without her and that made her upset, he wouldn't go. Its like cheating on them in a way. You're fucking sticking your ass in some guy's...well, you get the point. I need her, but I feel like I'm 8 years old!! I don't know what to do. I don't want this to happen. I think I want to die.

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