so. i get the bright idea to pop it in. "for old times sake." i learned a lesson. just seconds ago: there is no such thing as old times.

this was a bad call. but i havent pushed the stop button yet. the c.d. is still spinning and i can vaguely hear the music and see the images my eyes recall. the ones of the spring and summer and now. and now these arent the songs.

the songs now are different. the songs now are ________. i dont have a word. they arent as good as these songs. but the memories these new songs hold dont exist. and the memories with the old are harsh and not all long ago.

and the c.d. goes on.

i got a couple of emails tonight, so i dont want people to get who i am talking about confused. i am talking about one that i got just before i went to get off and go to bed.

i will respond, but i know bed time is now. (despite the fact that i am on here.) but, i am writing in reference to this email. being hurt is terrible. seeing a friend hurt makes my breath shortened. and knowing exactly how she feels makes it even shorter. feeling alone makes it shorter. and knowing there is nothing i can do about it makes it shorter.

when am i not going to be able to breathe at all?