I finished that book, Number 6 Fumbles. It wasn't like, life-changing (i.e. TPOBAW) but it was really good. An honest book. And the girl in it narrates it like I would if I were writing a book. And it pisses me off because now every time I think something, I think it like I'm narrating my life. I used to do this when I was little. Joanna told me she did, too.
Tonight Newbie and I watched The Virgin Suicides. It was really good. It was sad and funny. Funny in a dark sort of way. I don't know if that makes sense. It was sad. But not the kind of sad that makes you cry. More along the lines of the sad that makes you quiet. And not the kind of funny that makes you laugh. It just kind of makes you breathe a little harder for a second.
We also went to the Dollar General to see Brandon. I really do love Newbie, you'll have to realize this. But I wish more than anything I had given Brandon a chance. I really do. I'll go back to that in a minute.
Newbie and I went back to the apartment. And we had this talk. And I went back and thought of everything any of my past boyfriends/girlfriend have done for me. Joanna bought me Milk Duds and Gummie Bears and roses. Rob always bought me boxes of Bazooka and once he bought me flowers. Daniel always made me c.d.s and wrote me notes. And then I got to Brandon. He put notes in my locker. He tried to teach me the guitar. He even gave me a guitar. He wrote me a sweet note and when I was sick, he brought me tea. He was everything I needed...need...and want...but I missed it. And I don't want to ruin something thats good in my life for something that I should've thought of a long time ago.
I got an email tonight from Michael, my brother's best friend.
This may sound weird, but now that you are the age that Andrew was (actually older now)--to me, it's almost like...geez, this is the closest thing in the world to my best friend in the whole world.
That was the best thing I think anyone has ever said to me. I want to know so much about who my brother was, but now I'm starting to wonder if I should even think about him. I have gone for the last nine years without ever knowing. And I've never really gotten too sad thinking about the whole thing. Why should I now?
Too much "deep stuff" for one night. I should have called Katie to see if she was okay tonight and I forgot to. Due to the fact that Newbie and I were fighting. I feel like I let her down on her birthday and I feel like shit for it. I'm so sorry.