Before I start this one, I wish to reiterate the fact that I really would give it all up. I can be that one. But you won't let me. Ever.
My cousin is in town right now. Its rediculous. We have been talking online since last December (2001) but we haven't ever met. Now that we've met and sorta' hung out last night, I feel like I know less of her than I did to begin with. She is so quiet. I hate when that happens. Its as though you're being let down.
I'm sure she's just shy. But I like knowing her through the computer a lot better. The conversations are a lot...well. Okay. There are conversations. Period.
I am listening to Starflyer 59. How...indie rock is this? Stop.
I changed my screen name and email address after I've been whinning about the X's for forever.
My email is [email protected] and the i.m. is the same. Rock and rolls, kids.
I think I worry about the most insignificant things possible. I don't think that there is one second in my life where my mind isn't wandering and second guessing every single action I take. I always want the outcome of things to be different. Everything is always the opposite of how I hoped.
What can I do to change that?
And with that said, Northstar hits my playlist.
Irony I tell you.
If I lived in Chiacgo, I would show up at your house with 10 Things I Hate About You, some toe nail polish, Ben & Jerry's ice cream, and the latest issue of Seventeen. You would smile by the end of the night.
I had to start taking things off my walls to get ready for moving. I have lived here since I was five. I can't imagine another bed. I have yet to allow this impending moving day to sink in.
If I have learned one thing this summer, its this: Just because you have known someone throughout the most embarrassing stages of life, they are not automatically a friend. Friends are those who call/i.m./email to see if you're okay. Not when its convienent for them. They do these things when they sense you need it. You don't need to know someone for a lifetime to call them your friend.
My playlist is sporadic right now. On goes a little Screaming Infidelities. I think of kids with gel in their hair, a hot topic Dashboard/Weezer tee shirt, and Adidas shoes.
And with this song, I think about long drives in the ole Acura after a night with Newbie. I sure know how to pick winners for boyfriends.
Winners...assholes...whatever.
The last 4 years have been nothing but changing. I realize this as I look at the pictures on the walls of my room. From being a cool kid freshman year to scoring uno pictures in the yearbook this year, its been an adventure. I am glad I realized the pointlessness in high school early on. I think I was fifteen when I decided that.
Raise your hand if that was a bonus! (Heh...Josh.)
Misery by Soul Asylum. Rock.
I have a Bud Light beer bottle top on my desk that someone gave to me one night right at the very beginning of summer. Anyone want to guess?
Winners.
I think I should invest in gastro-bypass surgery. My whole life revolves around food. Go ahead --> punch me.
I had this dream (Knees - HRC...IRONY. Its everywhere.) last night. I decided when I woke up that I hate being awake. I wish that dream could have lasted forever and ever. It was the best dream I have ever had. It was one of those that you know the next time you see the people involved in the dream, you won't know whether to feel content or slightly embarrassed. (No. Not sexual anything. Nymphs.)
I will probably feel saddened simply because it wasn't more than a dream, nor will it ever be such.
I'm going to the beach in a few weeks. For a week, no less. Thats exciting for me. I love the beach more than anywhere (with the exception of Disney World.). I love the feeling of the hot sand, I love the sun baking me, I love the girly fruity drinks that I get at dinner while watching the waves crash. I love the memories made. I love paddleball. I love every single thing.
I would give it all up. Please, see that. You won't, but I am begging that you do.
By the way. I want this -->
