and i'm thinking awful things. pretty sure that few would notice.
[ 2002-09-10 - 9:42 p.m.]

I thought about locking this on my way to Newbie's tonight, but I decided against it. But I will soon. I just wanted one entry to tell of my emotions before I lock it.

I don't know if anyone has ever felt like this. I feel like I'm losing sight of one best friend. And then, I feel like I'm losing my boyfriend. And I feel like I want to fall in love with the other boy because he is out of a story book. HE won't fight with me and argue over materalistic items. And bitch at me. And tear me down. I'm wearing thin. So, I've come up with a new defense mechanism. And I'm going to reveal it now:

No sleep. No eat. No talking. No eye contact. No phone calls. Become the invisible girl so that no one will be able to say "I love you" and have me worry about how I'm to respond.

Ha. Just when everything in my life was fitting. This will be locked tomorrow.

"This is where I say I've had enough

And no one should ever feel the way that I feel now.

A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises

And I don't believe that I'm getting any better."

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